integrity is a thing that either makes you whole or, if you ignore it, makes you hollow. it’s interesting that, for one reason or another, humans are completely allowed to cheat themselves. i can present myself in a way for so long that i start to believe it. so much wasted time. i didn’t fully understand this when i wrote we walk in 2017; i was learning it. marriage forces you to challenge your built up persona completely.
we walk is about the droning march of defining yourself and allowing your actions to define you openly. when Tanya and i collided we both carried frustrations with us that we were letting define us. although we were open with each other on the surface by recognizing that we were both bent up in some way, the depth of our caused pain lay beneath the surface. Tanya and i are both excavators but i think it’s sometimes difficult for people who are willing to take other peoples pain to acknowledge their own vices. it’s easy for us to acknowledge what hurt us, it’s difficult to speak about where that pain led us.
so integrity is as much interpersonal as it is personal. and i think this isn’t a realization that you can come to. i think integrity is a thing that comes at the end of something. integrity is the reward of sussing it out in a way. at the end of everything we need integrity to sustain ourselves and sustain others.
as an aside i wanted to celebrate the work of Hiroshi Hamaya by mentioning his photo, Mt. Fuji, which accompanies this poem. i was thinking of doing a post on him bu the Ibasho Gallery wrote an incredibly concise biography that i would only try to emulate.